135 Days ~ May 25th

Oh my goodness, I REALLY need to write daily because God is revealing gifts to me everyday, BUT today, I am 4 1/2 months AND still rocking this alcohol free WONDERFUL life! Where do I even begin?!?

Todays AA Daily Reflection says "I am very grateful that my higher power has given me a second chance to live a worthwhile life. Through AA, I have been restored to sanity. The promises are being fulfilled in my life. I am grateful to be FREE from the slavery of alcohol. I am grateful for peace of mind and the opportunity to grow...".

This daily reflection is spot on and I could NOT have said it any better. Life is just SO much better now and I am SO thankful for this opportunity to grow! I have come SO far in 135 days. I have finally been relieved of the obsession over alcohol and it NO longer holds me hostage! What an AMAZING feeling this is to be finally FREE after all these years! I have been given a second chance at the age of 45 to live a worthwhile life! Here I thought I WAS living a worthwhile life, but NOW, I see what life is truly about and it's an amazing gift that keeps on giving.

I've been meeting quite a few new people when taking our kids to the lake after school and on the weekends which has been so nice. Everyone is so friendly and welcoming. Kids are loving the new neighborhood and can't wait until our house is done and we're finally living over there (and me too)!! Lake life is awesome, but alcohol is EVERYWHERE (duh)! Thank you, Lord that I started this journey in January or I'd be a freaking mess right about now! Most people start drinking at noon (if not before) like I always did. You see the normies (which seem to be very few) then you see the ones that are like me...enjoying the first couple quite quickly then full on for the rest of the day. Do I miss it? I actually do NOT miss it one bit now. I can sit there for hours socializing with my mocktail in my hand with no problem at all, and it feels AMAZING!!! I don't obsess about the first drink, how much alcohol I have left, if I need more before I go home, worry about how I was going to safely drive my kids home, AND I do NOT have any regrets and I remember everything! Who the hell wants that in their life, so huge, HUGE win for me!!!

The BIG question is, am I telling people I meet? This question I've been contemplating over and over in my head. I knew the time would come where I would need to share my story, and I prayed that God would show me how and when. And, He did just that! This weekend, I shared my story (well, some of it) to the girls that I've been hanging out with for the last 3 weekends, and what a RELIEF it was!!! The timing was perfect! The girls were discussing a mutual friend that has an alcohol issue and turns into a mean drunk. One girl then shared with me a very personal and embarrassing drunk story of hers, and THAT opened the door right on open for me! I replied to her that, I completely understand and said that that is why I am 130ish days alcohol free. She looked at me SHOCKED and said, you do NOT drink?!?!?! What have you been drinking in your yeti all this time...I said, seltzer water and a HUGE laugh broke out! The girls thought I had been drinking this entire time and were absolutely amazed and super proud/happy for me. In fact, one girl even openly admitted her issue with alcohol and jokingly said that when she's ready, she wants me to be her sponsor so she can follow in my footsteps (hahaha, at least she's aware of her own issue). It wasn't hard, and in fact, at the age of 45, it's not even shocking to most people. Everyone of us has or have had someone in our family who has suffered or is suffering from alcohol abuse. It's unfortunately EVERYWHERE!!! The MOST important thing I can do other than keep myself sober is to help others by sharing my story. God has given me a second chance to have the life He has in store for me, and I FINALLY feel that I am on the right path in my life after all these years!

Since I've entered the AA program, 5 people I have personally connected with have relapsed, 3 have come back and 2 haven't (yet). This is a reality, but one I personally wasn't ready for emotionally in the beginning. This is a viscous disease for so many and my heart breaks for the sick and suffering. I want to swoop them up and do all that I can to help them, but unfortunately, we can only do so much. This reality has grounded me so much more in my alcohol free journey and pushed me through some tough days. The truth of the matter is, I've worked WAY too hard to get to where I am to start over! It's so hard to understand how someone can throw all their hard work away so quickly BUT there's not ONE person that EVER says they do NOT deeply regret it! If anything, they tell you how incredibly hard the struggle is to come back once you relapse. God, I pray daily for the sick and suffering, and that I stay on course with all the strength I need to see me through each day alcohol FREE!

Today, I am happy, joyous and FREE! I am not struggling anymore because this is a gift from above. I will continue to walk daily with Him while I learn more and more about how to keep living THIS beautiful thing called life! For I know, He is always there to lead, guide and protect me every step of the way, and for THAT, I am eternally grateful!

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