3 WEEKS ~ January 31st

Updated: Feb 1, 2021

I made it THREE weeks! Three whole weeks!!! Yes, I've done this before, but it wasn't the same. THIS time is SO much different! My mindset is different. I finally realize the one thing that has been holding me back all these years...ALCOHOL! The saying is true..."we can give up everything for one thing (alcohol), or we can give up one thing (alcohol) for everything." I find this SO true! I was giving up almost everything in my life for the almighty power that alcohol had on my mind and body. I was NOT intentionally doing this, but as I reflect, alcohol was slowly destroying me and my entire life. Is it REALLY worth it...absolutely NOT!

This weekend, I attended three AA meetings. I read two books (Sober Diaries and Drunk Mom). I listened to several podcast, and I enjoyed LOTS of mocktails! I did everything to fill my brain with as much ammunition to get me through another weekend alcohol free. The weekends during the winter in a pandemic are tough! There's literally no place to go and people to see due to Covid-19. Kids are handling this thing much better than the adults it seems, haha. They're completely content doing absolutely nothing ALL day while we constantly feel we need to entertain and keep them busy from laziness. Oh well, we gave up on that a while ago! I mean we are approaching a year in a crazy pandemic. SO, it's a free for all around our house come the weekends. It's NOT exactly how my husband nor I like it, but the kids are happy and there's less fighting which is GREAT!!!

We discussed "acceptance" this weekend in my meetings. I let that "sit" for a while before I shared in group. I've accepted the fact that I'm "powerless" over alcohol (and most things in my life). BUT, I haven't yet accepted that this is my "forever plan". I know in my heart that it seriously needs to be my forever plan, but I just can't accept that...yet. I can't yet accept that I'm not going to be able to drink with my friends! This was a HUGE part of my life for 25 plus years. Ugh, WHY is this so hard to accept?!? I know I'll get there and I'm NOT giving up...that's for sure! They're very accepting in AA. Many relapse multiple times, but there's quite a few that are the "one chip wonders". This means that they have never had more than one white chip (the chip of surrender...your very first chip). I DON'T want to go back. I just want to press forward. I love how they simplify it for you...just don't have the first drink! They have SO many tools to turn to to combat the desire of drinking. I find these tools so helpful in my journey. I am so thankful for taking the BIG first step and for going to AA. I wish I would have sooner, but I wasn't "ready", but NOW I am!

I plan to go to 7 meetings this week again. The 90 meetings in 90 days seems crazy, but now I understand the importance of "showing up" as much as you possibly can. THAT I am committed to. The program works if you work it, and I will work this program like I've never worked anything in my life. THAT'S how much this means to me! One day, one minute, one breath...I can do THIS!!! I surrender to HIM and He makes ALL things possible!

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