Updated: Feb 18, 2021
Yesterday, I decided to write a letter to a friend instead of writing in my blog. The letter that I wrote was to the "friend" who ratted me out to my Regional Director after the dreadful and shameful Super Bowl night last year (see my post from February 8th). As I said, it took me almost a year to get over this, but finally after a year, I feel FREE!
I am a "peacemaker" by heart...always have been since I was a little girl. I never liked any tension, yelling or fighting (and still don't). I always got upset if my parents were arguing, or if my brother was in trouble growing up. I would hide or verbalize my discontent to try to make things right. I have a very sensitive soul, which is good and bad and something that I am continually working on.
Throughout the years, I've always tried to mend friendships between other friends due to this "job" I thought God gave me. Who did I think I was...I mean seriously?!? It wasn't my "job" to do this. I can be a good friend and listen, but I'd always "feel" the pain of my friend and allow it to impact my life too. In AA, I've learned that I'm "powerless" over pretty much everything. Yes, I am "powerless" over other peoples thoughts, actions and friendships....who would have thought, haha! I never realized that I was allowing this to still my peace until recently. I was taking on other people's troubles/hurts as well as my own for so long without even realizing it. Not that any of my friends expected that out of me, of course...it was just innate. AA is teaching me SO much about REALLY living and what's REALLY important in THIS short, precious life on earth, and for THAT, I am the MOST thankful! Life is too short...WAY too short!
This friend was a very close friend of mine for many years, so I had to make things right. I'm not at the "make amends" step yet (step 9), but in my heart, it was time to "let go" of this once and for all. I mean, it had been a full year!!! So, I sat down yesterday morning and wrote her a heartfelt letter. It was hard, but once I started, the words just flowed. God gave me the exact words to write along the way and when I pressed "send", I felt a HUGE weight lifted off of me. I felt FREE!
I know that this friendship will never be what it use to be, but I have peace and THAT is an AMAZING feeling. I will continue to be a great friend and always there for my people, but I have to set boundaries around my heart to protect myself from anything that will steal my peace and joy, and impact my new alcohol free life. I am SO thankful that I can move on now and focus on my new journey with peace in my heart.
If there's one thing I can pass along it's to make peace with anyone that has stolen it. Peace He gives to you and peace He wants for ALL of us. We just have to lay it down at His feet and release it all to Him...He will show you the way to make things right. Then and only then will we have TRUE peace within.