355 Days!!!

Christmas 2020, after completely humiliating myself, my family made it clear…if I wanted them at the beach for New Year's then I had to promise I would not do what I did again, and either not drink, or control myself since I told them I could (clearly I was in such denial) and thankfully they were praying hard daily). This haunted me. I did NOT want to disappoint my family again (and I wanted to prove I could do this), so I gave them my word. I knew I could show them I could control it and prayed. What’s a better way to welcome the new year in a pandemic then with my family at the beach, so off to HB we go. I waited until later to start drinking every day. I paced myself and everything, BUT as soon as everyone was fast asleep, I’d sit on my phone, reading and scrolling, drinking my wine until I fell asleep every night (just like I did every night at home). I did good though! So good that I left the beach on CLOUD 9 that I “controlled” myself on NYE for the first time in FOREVER. This is normal, right? Well, it was my normal. Reflecting back on it now, clear headed and FREE, SO SO much energy went into preparing, “controlling”, and managing my alcoholism every single day for years, and I had NO idea! All these years, I allowed alcohol to rule my life! My idea of an alcoholic was someone who woke up shaking and HAD to have a drink in the morning or had to drink all day every day and lost everything, but thank God, that hasn’t been a part of my story and I pray it never is. #355daysaf

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