SEVENTY DAYS!!!!!!! Wow, I continue to be amazed by how far I've come. However, I would be lying if I said I wasn't missing drinking...especially on these gorgeous days. The enemy has been working hard at breaking me down, BUT I've stood strong! I remind myself daily how insanely obsessive my mind and body was over alcohol and how I NEVER want to feel that EVER again. The racing thoughts, the shakes, the planning, my terrible mood if I didn't have alcohol when I wanted it...EVERYTHING was consumed by my alcoholic mind.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and I've seen how it has truly impacted me over the years. I've always been a binge drinker which is another HUGE problem for most alcoholics. Heck, I binge drink my water and my mocktails! I just CAN'T moderately drink anything which has always been a huge problem for me when it came to drinking period. I'll be 45 next month and I finally feel like I'm an adult making mature decisions for me and my family. My mind is changing and so is my life. It's not easy since I've never lived a life without alcohol being a major part of it. Everything "fun" in my life was literally centered around alcohol, so it's going to take quite some time for me to mentally get to where I need to be, but I'm doing it. One day at a time.
This post today by a beautiful Sober Mom, Sarah (a mom of a 13, 9 and 6 year old) was what I needed to hear today. A reminder as to WHY I need to continue to press on each day...
"I'm Sarah, and I'm an alcoholic. Yesterday, I celebrated 365 days of sobriety. I'm so incredibly grateful for this trip around the sun... Here are 10 things I've learned in the past year: 1. God has truly done for me what I couldn't do for myself. But I would be foolish to think turning my will over to God means that I am not responsible for my own actions along the way. It's going to be HARD, sometimes so hard you'll wonder if you can do it.... Trust me, you CAN. 2. Nothing worth having happens overnight. It requires small and frequent daily steps in the right direction. Eventually you'll look back on those seemingly insignificant moments and realize that's when you were making the most progress. Remember, the focus is on progress, not perfection. You don't need to have it all figured out. 3. Sobriety requires honesty. You're going to have to be brutally honest with others, and most importantly with yourself. No matter what. 4. Be prepared to occasionally feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, really uncomfortable. This is when growth happens. 5. A sober life is a blessing and a gift from God. At first it didn't feel that way, at ALL. Honestly, in the very beginning it felt more like a curse. But it's all about perspective. If I focused on the fact that I "couldn't drink", I was left feeling stuck, and in some occasions, missing out. But if I focused on the fact that I "didn't need to drink", I felt relief and slowly began to know peace. 6. There are very few things in life that are in your circle of control. Read that one again. VERY few things. 7. You're going to feel ALL the feelings. The good. The bad. The ugly. This is the way God intended us to live our lives, it may be difficult at times, but it is beautiful. 8. If you are an alcoholic, or have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, your family has suffered at some point. This is not a maybe, they have absolutely been affected. Their support and love for you, through the hard times is invaluable. Tell them how grateful you are. 9. Acceptance is the turning point. When you accept life on life's terms, and desire God's will instead of your own, everything will change. ALL the things that have happened in your past, and ALL the things that will happen in your future, are part of God's divine plan for you. Don't fight it. 10. This one has undoubtedly been the hardest and the most important one for me... LOVE yourself. Learn to forgive yourself. Learn to give yourself grace. When the Lord said.... "Whatever you do to the least of my brethren, you do unto me." My brethren - includes YOU."
May God continue to give me all the grace, mercy and peace to see me through each day. One day at a time!