Day 10 ~ January 20th

DOUBLE DIGITS! I made it!!! Thoughts race through my mind about how long I can do this. Can I sustain being alcohol free for longer than I ever have (30 days)? Can I go on vacation without drinking? Ugh, the crazy thoughts that race through my head! WHY? Why do I even have to ask myself these questions? I have to keep reminding myself to just think one day at a time. I don't have to figure it all out right now but just "rest" and let Him guide me through this storm.

I've NEVER said "I will never drink again". My longest time without alcohol was 30 days for dieting purposes (outside of my pregnancies, of course). I never EVER planned to just stop all together. Alcohol was my "evil little friend" that I always wanted and could never imagine not having in my life. Remember, I thought my drinking was somewhat "normal" (up until the last couple of years). Everyone was pretty much doing it, right? It was the "norm" in my life at least. Everything revolved socially around drinking. Playdates, football, birthdays, holidays, vacations, concerts, etc...EVERYTHING! I didn't do pretty much anything socially without alcohol being a part of it. It's more than socially's socially expected. Look at all the commercials. It's quite insane when you think about how much alcohol is promoted everywhere you look. You really can't go anywhere without alcohol being in your face. It's everywhere, literally EVERYWHERE! You can't run from it, so it's time to face it head on. If I can overcome this, I CAN do anything set before me!

Todays devotional was perfect (they usually are)! "Approach this day with 'awareness' of who is boss" was the intro. I sat and pondered that for a minute. Step one is ALL about "awareness" so how fitting! I have been praying for years about my issue with alcohol. Praying that God would allow me to get control so I never had to stop doing something that I LOVED. It was a part of me, who I was...I wouldn't be "me" without a beverage in my hand. I wouldn't be able to socialize, go to parties, concerts or vacation without it. Is this the example I want for my kids? Is this how I want to be remembered? NO, it's NOT! As much as I prayed, God continued to show me that this actually was NOT me. This isn't the life that He had for me. I was incapable of doing His will under the influence of alcohol in my life. I desire to do ALL things to glorify Him in my life...I always have, but I sure haven't acted that way. I lost my way due to the strong hold alcohol had on my life and suffered through many HARD life lessons, BUT I will get my life back by His grace and mercy. I am determined to do this! It's NOT going to be easy, but I HAVE to continue on my alcohol free journey to find myself after ALL these many years.

Personally, I am grateful. Grateful for all the many HARD life lessons I've learned over the last 30 years. My hope is that this journey of mine will be one that I can share with many others to help them in their journey. I'm grateful for my faith. Grateful that I'm still here. Grateful for my incredible husband that has put up with me all these years. He is truly my rock! I have SO much to be grateful for...we ALL truly do! Isaiah 55: 9-11 says "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." I KNOW God has BIG plans for me, a true purpose for today and my future. Today, I will "rest" in Him and His promises. Through Him, I am confident and have strength to conquer yet another day of being alcohol free! He gives me hope and for that, I am forever grateful!

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