Yesterday, I met my sponsor for lunch. I just love her! She's a little older and has 12 years of sobriety. She hasn't had one single relapse since she made the decision to give up alcohol. How amazing is that!?! I'm in awe by the strength of most of the AA members that I've met so far. It's SO inspiring hearing their stories. Most hit "rock bottom" then there are the members like me who were on the fast track there. Once you are a member, you're given the best gift...helping others. I've longed to be in a field where I can help others and finally feel like I have found my calling in life. BUT, in order for me to accomplish this calling, I MUST stay alcohol free. This may sound easy to some, but THIS is going to be a very HARD task for me; however, I know that THIS is what I HAVE to do for me and my future.
In Celebrate Recovery this morning, it gave a great example on life. Cars get warning lights (signs) when something is wrong and if we ignore the warnings then the more it cost us. Sometimes warnings go off in our lives and in our hearts, but we don't pay attention because we're too afraid of what we'll find or what we'll have to do to "fix" the problem. God is always sending us "warning signs" but we have to listen and watch for His warnings in our life. If we don't pay attention then we can fall deeper in despair until we're drowning in our problems. He wants to spare us from pain and shower us with His blessings, but we always want to try and do it "our way" first.
This was ME! I was running from ALL the many "warning lights" God was sending me. My internal dashboard was all lit up...like every light! I felt invincible from alcoholism, and God sent SO many warning signs along the way that I ignored. I NEVER thought I'd have to make the decision to stop drinking all together. BUT here I am. Day 18 and plugging through each day. Studying His word, reading, listening to testimonies...doing anything to educate my mind on this terrible disease of alcoholism. As HARD as it is to accept, I am getting there. One day at a time, I am getting there. Accepting my faults, my hang-ups, my imperfections...the good, the bad and the ugly.
As I reflect on my life, I am SO thankful that I'm not suffering from my foolish ways any longer. I was falling into a deep DEEP hole of self-pity and despair. After many years, I FINALLY listened to the "warning signs" and am taking control of what I can, and letting go of the rest. I AM "powerless" over A LOT of things which I am learning to accept, but I am in control of MY happiness and MY attitude. Today, I choose NOT to drink with a BIG smile on my face and press on to day 19!