Day 5 ~ January 15th

Updated: Jan 16, 2021

Well, it's Friday, and normally this would mean my drinking would start a little earlier and last a little later until I passed out. It was very rare that I went to bed remembering much, if anything the next day on the weekends. It was like the excuse of all excuses …"it's the weekend and we're hanging out with friends". I'd just drink until I couldn't drink anymore. Well, not today, and pray for many, many alcohol free Fridays to come. One day at a time, one minute at a time, I will conquer this terrible addiction and say goodbye to my "evil little friend" once and for all!

Today I woke up in a puddle of sweat. Like SOAKED! I guess I have LOTS of toxins to get rid of! I felt really good today after a nice hot shower. I met my parents for lunch at a Mexican restaurant and found myself following the margaritas being delivered to a couple of tables while I sipped my diet coke. I watched a table across the way. A gentlemen sat down with his wife and kids and ordered one large beer. He immediately chugged it then turned around and ordered a margarita and downed that too. Normally, I'd never notice this, but of course I'm on high alcohol alert at the moment so I'm noticing EVERYTHING. What would you think about seeing someone do this? Have you ever done that? Well, that was me. I've done that more times than I can even remember. I would chug my first drink and quickly order a second. There's something about the first drink of the day when you're an alcoholic. The minute you put the glass to your lips, its like your body is yearning for more. Like immediately, your heart starts beating a little faster. Your hands start getting a little shaky until you get the second then the third FINALLY calms you down enough to relax a little. It's so crazy, isn't it? Why would anyone want this? We know the answer but it's just crazy that alcohol can have such a strong hold on your mind and body all at the same time. I call it my "evil little friend" because I always leaned to alcohol for comfort during sad times and fun during happy times. Today, I was on my way home after a meeting with the builders of our new home and was on cloud nine about the plans FINALLY being finalized. I wanted to celebrate! I passed the liquor stores and convenient stores with alcohol signs and let me tell you, I wanted to stop SO bad. I called my mom and told her, and phew, I made it home empty handed, thankfully! I know what I HAVE to do, but that was a hard feeling to let go of since the urge felt so strong. I came home, made myself a mocktail and went straight to my blog.

This blogging recommendation from one of the books I read has been my saving grace during this first week. It's so therapeutic. I decided to do this to have an outlet to write my thoughts and feelings, but most importantly, to hold myself accountable. I see people viewing this from France, Canada and a few different places in the United States. What, people are actually reading this? I was shocked to say the least! That wasn't my reason for doing this but if I can just help one person on my journey as well as myself, I will feel this blog was a successful one. This journey isn't going to be easy, but I know by the grace of God, I will come out of this a much, much better person...healthy and happy. I'm going to end with this quote by Theodore Roosevelt...“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” Where there is a will, there's a way, and as long as we just believe and have faith we WILL conquer anything set before us. Until tomorrow, SC

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