Today, I attended my second AA meeting, "Step Sisters" . My first women only AA group. I was looking forward to connecting with other women and find a sponsor, which I did find a "temporary" one for now. We worked on Step One tonight..."We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable". Yup, pretty much! That's totally me in a nut shell! I have NO problem admitting that I am powerless over alcohol and my life was starting to become unmanageable because of my alcoholism. Step one is about awareness and becoming conscious of our feelings, behaviors and the effect they have on us and others. Thankfully, I have been in Step One for a while now. I am in no way in denial of my problem. I am extremely thankful for my awareness these past few years that lead me to where I am today.
"Acknowledging our lack of power over things we can't control frees us to act in areas where we do have some power". I think back to all I was trying to control while drinking. Hiding my hangovers and my anxiety for a drink all while trying to be a good wife, mom, neighbor and friend. On the outside, it looked like I had most of my crap together, but on the inside, I was falling deeper and deeper into despair. Thank GOD I didn't hit rock bottom, but I was definitely on the fast track there.
For today, I am doing good. We had a great family fun-day. I pressed on and although I was so tired and wanted to just be on the couch, I "showed up" to the meeting at 6pm and I'm so glad I did. The group was great and I felt so comfortable. I will continue to attend several meetings a week for sure! I definitely see why and how this is crucial for me and my journey.
The daily scripture that popped up on my phone today was...1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." God is good. He gives me so much strength and for that, I am SO grateful!