A year ago, I was filled with anxiety, fear, worry and stress of all of the unknown. The previous 4 years (2016-2020), I stopped drinking for the month of January to prove to myself that I was NOT an alcoholic and could go a month without drinking (obviously COMPLETELY clueless what an alcoholic really is). Hoping and praying when I did in 2020 that God would help me learn to control or give me the power to stop.
On January 13, 2020, at Bible study, for the FIRST time ever, I felt God say, “you have to tell them now” and so I did…I completely broke down and shared with them my struggling heart and asked for prayer (and to PLEASE keep this confidential). It felt SO good to finally share something I had been battling for so long inside and to have prayer over me. AND, from that moment forward, God started pressing in…HARD!!!! 2020 was THE year of trial and tribulation for me and my family! Somehow, God got us from MD to NC, and how we managed through was ONLY by the POWER of PRAYER and the Grace and Mercy of God Almighty.
This “functional” alcoholic was going down BUT God!!!!! He IS the ultimate miracle maker and chain breaker! What bottom DID I have to hit? It’s not that exciting actually BUT thankfully, it wasn’t the bottom that cost me my family, jail, institution or death! It was my husband accidentally taking BOTH sets of keys and leaving me stranded in a rental, in the country of NC after just moving here in August (he had business to attend to in VA). NO way to get booze for the FIRST time EVER! See, I’ve never been without SO I didn’t know just HOW addicted I truly was until THIS very moment! I slowly went insane trying to find a way to get some! By the end of 2 hours, I was a full blown panicked CRAZY lady in front of my KIDS because I didn’t have MY alcohol!!!!!
WTH!!!! WHO was THIS lady!?! AND after I finally managed to get some alcohol after hours of panicking in front of my kids I chugged AND could NOT get enough down my throat fast enough to calm my nerves! It was INSANE and it scared the HELL out of ME (literally, I say now). Whew, it causes me anxiety thinking back to that awful day! BUT God broke me, and I am SO grateful. Prayers and God SAVED my life! After that insane moment, it was then that I KNEW I had to stop BUT how and when? I was going to make my sobriety date January 13th since that would mark one year since I verbally asked for prayer for the FIRST time and opened up about my problem to my Bible study girls BUT God made my final drinking day 1/9/2021 to wake me up on 1/10/2021 completely FREE of the desire to drink! Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow.
Thank you for your love and support. I’m only sharing my story to help others who may be suffering because I know there’s so many. Today, I completed my 12th step, the final step, and now, my hope is to continue to be as connected to Him as I am now and serve others. I truly yearn for Him now in my heart and I am truly ALIVE for the first time in 45 years, AND I can claim it loud and proud…I am a very VERY GRATEFUL ALCOHOLIC! To God be the glory! #360daysaf